


Nothing But a Field in Scotland

by BabbleBadgered



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Heart to Hearts, M/M, a little bit of angst, fields at night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-26
Updated: 2013-06-26
Packaged: 2017-12-16 05:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/858427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabbleBadgered/pseuds/BabbleBadgered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Gabriel find themselves having a bit of a heart to heart, and Gabriel has a bit of an existential crisis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing But a Field in Scotland

In theory , one might assume that those arms are soft, that those legs are slow, that his stature makes him weak, that his dry humor means he's compensating for something. One might assume. 

But Sam knows better. 

He's seen firsthand the incredible deeds and powerful acts that flowed through those arms, that shone through those hands. Witnessed the true might of all the wrath and righteousness coiled within that fragile human shell, bursting at the seams, reverberating through a body that shouldn't be able to contain it.

Sam knows Gabriel.

Gabriel the archangel.   
God's heavenly messenger.  
One of heavens most powerful warriors.  
A holy instrument of judgment.

One shouldn't become too comfortable around almighty forces, Sam knows that, yet he can't help but feel at ease where he is. Laying in a field, gazing upon the angel. _His_ angel.

"Ya' know, most people would think to avert their eyes from an almighty angel of the lord, Sammy.", Gabriel's voice startles him out of his reverie, and Sam smiles. 

"Most would-" he replies, after a brief moment of thought, "but I have a feeling you'd protest if I did."

The angel ponders this for a moment.

"You're probably right." he chuckles.

They stay like that for a while longer, in the silence, enjoying the presence of the other.   
The field they lay in is covered with soft grass and a smattering of flowers. Sam imagines their yellow petals would seem more cheerful if the sun was out, but in the darkness they shimmer as rays of moonlight dance over the surface of the field, creating a soft haze of light across the hilltop. Gabriel mentioned they were somewhere in Scotland, yet Sam doesn't see how that changes anything. They could be half a mile out from a truck stop in Utah and he would still be in awe of the sight.   
One of the things Gabriel envies about his human; how he can still see the wonder in simple things. After hell, after heaven, after purgatory, beholding demons and ghosts and angels- yet he can still appreciate the beauty of a simple field under the light of a moon. And even though Gabriel hasn't been able to appreciate a sunset since before the times of Eden, he thinks that he might be able to give it another chance if he could see it through Sam's eyes.

Then Sam shifts, and they're facing each other, eyes locking for a brief moment, before he begins in a hushed whisper-  
"What's the best part about it?" 

Gabriel gives him a questioning glance,  
"About having a giant dick?" he asks through a grin.

Sam deadpans, then he raises an eyebrow.

Gabriel makes a mental note of how many “bitchfaces” that makes it for tonight, before exhaling and turning back up towards the sky.

"You mean about angel, and God and messenger and…-"   
He trails off, making vague gestures in the air, his grin fading to a look of sobriety as he considers the inquisition.  
He thinks he sees Sam raise an eyebrow through his peripheral vision, and takes that as a cue to attempt to answer the question.   
He stumbles over what he wants to say for a brief moment, and tries to ignore the irony of it.  
God's heavenly messenger, tongue-tied.

"Well, it's just- I'm not sure of how to phrase it-at least in a way you can understand" Gabriel mutters, picking absentmindedly at his chin.  
He sucks on his lip as he thinks, then turns back to Sam, "You know how you were smarty pants, top of your class, Stanford student, academia's bitch, right?" he says with a quirk of his brow as he waits for a response. 

"I-I guess so?"

"Okay! Well, then you had your perpetual fall from grace, eventually a bit more literally-"  
Sam huffs, and motions for the fidgeting angel to get on with it. 

"But! But, then you were thrown into a different lifestyle and everything you were good at, everything about what you thought was your purpose was rendered pointless- it was just- it was _useless_." 

Gabriel stops his wild gesturing, and stares up at the sky.

“I suppose my favorite part about- about being an angel, was when all of that was actually worth a damn.” 

Sam is silent, he watches how Gabriel's eyes seemed to lose all their passion for a split second, how he desperately tries to maintain his mask of arrogance. But he can't, not this time, and his facade falls and Sam can tell that this was probably a bad idea because he watches as Gabriel crumbles.   
He almost thinks he should say something, but he doesn't because then Gabriel is talking again and Sam can practically hear the waver in his voice as he speaks. 

“ Now though...” he blinks.  
“-now it just seems like I have no purpose, no reason to be here. My old man's seemingly dropped out of existence, and with him _my_ sole reason for existence. I was created to be a holy messenger, a devout tool of divine judgement, and now there's no one writing the messages, nobody filling out names on the heavenly naughty list, there's just _nothing_ and it's _sad_.”

In that moment, Sam begins to wonder if angels can cry.   
He didn't think so, initially. Though he only had Castiel in which to base his observations.   
But now he sees that Gabriel doesn't need to cry for Sam to see his sorrow. It's seemingly wafting from him in waves, because Sam can feel Gabriel's pain in his bones.   
His Grace is laced with sadness.   
Sam shifts closer, nestling himself a few centimeters away.

“You know. I personally think bigger purposes are overrated.” he says, barely more than a whisper, but he knows that Gabriel heard him. 

“Hey, Gabe. Gabe look at me.”

He does so reluctantly and when their eyes lock Sam's heart goes out to the angel, because he can relate to what he's feeling, and he remembers how hard it is because it's _torture_.

“You don't need anyone else to give you a purpose.” 

He searches Gabriel's eyes for a few moments, and then leans up to place a soft kiss on top of his head.   
They stay facing each other in silence. Neither of them says a word, neither of them moves. 

After what seems like an eternity, Gabriel is the one to break the silence, if just slightly, with barely a whisper.

“Thank you Sam.”

**Author's Note:**

> No beta, any and all mistakes are mine. 
> 
> I started this a few days ago, and recently finished it up. Nothing too big, but you can't really go wrong with grassy fields and people talking about their feelings.


End file.
